Saturday, June 2, 2018

HOW A CAN OF WD-40 MADE A CLASSICAL GUITAR BEHAVE


When it comes to owning a guitar, the difference between having an acoustic one and a classical one is like having an easy-going Saint Bernard and a capricious French poodle. When a string breaks on an acoustic guitar, you just have to change it, plus you’ve got a bridge pin that pretty much takes care of one end. When that string is replaced and tuned up, your fingers can glide along, as your acoustic guitar is basically saying, “Cool, man!” Now you know who the comfy St Bernard is.

Now, for the classical little bitch. You want to get away with changing one string, but the other strings yell, “Me too! Me too!” And they’re not talking about revolution. Remember, they’re classical. They’re like duchesses wanting new dresses for their special soiree. So you end up changing every fucking string! And you’ve got to handle both ends. And there is no bridge pin to help you here. So if you don’t tie up your string properly, the string is going to fly into your face, and the duchess is going to exclaim, “Oh, dear! Oh, dear!” At this point, you may be screaming other stuff that may only be intelligible to extra-terrestrials, stuff life, “##@@uFUckIng@$%CuNt@i$VaNA@i’BEtu’REfuCkING$#&DaDdy☻☻☺$$$!!!”

 But finally, finally! You’re almost done. You’re basically tuned up. Except for the low E. That duchess won’t go further than C. You try, you cajole, but the arthritic bitch won’t budge
 That’s when you go to the garage, grab your DW-40 can and tell that duchess, “Now, here’s a new beauty line that you’re going to love!” And after a few drops and a few turns, everything gets back into e/motion.

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